Current Cinema...From last week

Eastern Promises - Viggo Mortensen plays Nikolai a chauffeur doing dirty work for Russian Mobster, while Naomi Watts plays Anna a midwife who finds a card for Viggo's employer on a mother who dies during childbirth. Described as an "old-fashioned picture" being that it "Pluck[s] innocence from the embrace of evil" and "dispense{s] punishment to those who warrant it most" it seems interesting, but interesting enough to get me to go see it? umm no

In the Shadow of the Moon - A work in whih the director, David Sington sits down with surviving Apollo astronauts and talks to them, im sure space buffs would love it and i'm not trying to be negative or unpatriotic but it's not my cup of tea. The very description is boring...i'll leave those of you to go read it for yourself if you are that interested.

A Hero or a Dreamer

Pereda doesn't seem to live up to any of the characteristics he is constantly thinking about. He's really annoying- how he leaves behind his life in the city and formal dress/ways but still scolds those he finds ignorant to it all. Though he thinks he has escaped the machine-like life he once has for an exciting life, which he compares to foreign movies and books, he is just another old man who is kidding himself. Nothing has changed, his wife is still irreplaceable, his kids have moved on, and he relies on money from his past to help him at Alamo Negro. The unexpected conflict at the end of the story didn't serve to show me Pereda's power, it just further alerted me to the fact that Pereda decides to run away once again.

the story of creation

After the human race was made extinct by global warming, God created a new race of humans. In this new utopia, God spent six days creating the natural world, its oceans made of recycled, polluted water, drained and multiplied from the beautiful San Francisco bay, its temperature modeled after the Sahara, God had to make his new race of specially-temperature resistant humans, crafted from the earth, like the first time he created humans, and also from the lava of a volcano and a little remainder of Jessica Alba's body. The heat created from these new humans was incredible, for God had blended all that was hot in the old world to create a super-human who could survive in the new one. God began by creating two humans. A hotmale and a hotfemale. These people could not only survive the heat, but were remarkably hot-headed, a product of their orgins. These new humans were told, do not cool off in the icy-cold pool of ice left by rapper "diddy," but one day became so hot, that the ghost of diddy's icy presence coaxed them into a dip in the icy pool. God then became angry and banished them from the world of global warming to live forever in exile.

Hi My Name is Philippe Petit-Roulet

COVER ART: So, as I was doing some research [obviously with the help of my good ol' friend google] on Philippe Petit-Roulet, I can across his online website. To my horror, he has not added his recent cover art in this weeks New Yorker edition to his "The New-Yorker" portfolio. Is it just me or should this man broaden his line of work to include greeting cards? I say this not only because his art legitimately looks like it could be on a "Congratulations" card, but also because I greatly dislike greeting cards just as much as I dislike his art. As the cover of a magazine, I can handle it, but if I were to see his artwork on the wall of a museum, I might actually die a little inside. On the flip side, the sugar dispenser he designed is pretty damn cool. I might have to get me one of those.

CARTOONS

While flipping through the mag this week, I thought to myself, "who doesnt like making fun at someone (or something) else's expense?" Not the New Yorker! You've got your alcoholics, shopaholics, the stock market, modern technology (creepy google earth), and someone named Elijah Foxface Maxwells (?????). Who will they make fun of next?
I've got to admit, I usually only understand about half of the cartoons in the magazine. Perhaps I'm not as worldly as I would like. Thanks for making me feel bad about myself, New Yorker cartoonists.
So there's my 87 words. A tout a l'heure.
8-)

"Gaucho"-stepmom

This week's short fiction tells the story of an Argentinan male judge's life. Not the main focus of the story but his wife died so he became a widower and didn't want to remarry because he didnt want a woman to take on the burden of being a stepmother to his children. Children rarely like their stepmothers and rarely do the children and stepmom form a strong relationship or special bond but instead grow bitter towards each other. This relationship is not beneficial to either the children nor the woman. A stepmom could never replace a real mom or develop a sense of love and devotion for these children that a real mom does. This concept is extended into a metaphor for the country of Argentina who has had many step mothers none of which have been successful. These stepmothers refer to outside rulers/ foreign governments that do not come from within Argentina and do not understand the country because they are outsiders as a step mother is. This analogy speaks for itself and gets a very political issue across in the simplest way. Love it.

Fiction - The Insufferable Gaucho

This week's fiction section tells the extremely long~short story about an Argentinian man who abandons his city life in search of much more simplistic existence in the back country. This story nearly put me to sleep and I finished it wondering "Why did I just waste 25 minutes of my time?" I mostly attribute this reaction to the fact that I was reading about a man slowly aging into senility. Nothing is more difficult to parallel to my own experiences. If I took anything away from this story it is most likely the main character's attitude in his personal situation. He approached life without worrying about the small annoying obstacles that we all run into. He was content in his lack of money and simple lifestyle. Surprisingly, he decided to stab a man in the last few moments of the story. I can only hope to have his zeal in my old age.


<(-.-<)

Deborah Warren: Deam With Flowers And Bowl of Fruit

Deborah Warren expects her romantic and action packed fantasies to occur when she "drops into the pillow" but her brain is spitting up still life instead. I believe the poem is an instrument for her cry for help. She wants drama and the poem is a metaphor for her hopes and dreams in reality.

The Current Cinema

The New Yorker reviews two of the latest films in this week's issue: "The Kingdom" and "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford". While reading I felt that Lane's description of "The Kingdom" was very confusing. I could not figure out the basic plot of the movie as he jumped from writing about the F.B.I. to the female agent and her breats. "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford", on the other hand, seems very intriguing as Lane writes about the director's way of capturing a scene and the interesting content. His review made me want to see that movie.

Dream with Flowers and Bowl of Fruit

Deborah Warren expects her nightly travel into a dream state to be about excitement and romance, to take her somewhere exciting and fun. She wishes her dreams would open doors to places that she is not during the day. She wants to fly, and accomplish the impossible, and experience things; to really dream, have something out of this world, to “happen”. But instead she gets a shinny apple sedentary in a fruit bowl. Her dreams are burdened with still-life flowers and no drama fruit.

Comics of the New Yorker

I was very pleased with the comics this week. They are the first things I read with each new New Yorker. The ones I found most entertaining was page 85. It had a few men sitting at a restaurant eating dinner and the quote at the bottom was "I want a woman who's not afraid to have a few extra pounds... but doesn't." This is funny because men say they like meat on a woman and they don't like women who are just skin and bones, yet many couples you see are men with these tiny women.
Another one I found funny is one on page 46. This one shows a woman in a store with a luggage bad purchasing something, and the caption is "I love travel - it's so much fun to spend money in a different place." I found this funny because that is so typical of rich people. They travel and buy useless things in other countries, just because they are from those places.
The third comic I found funny is on page 96. It shows two firemen with a large building in the background and the caption is "These are luxury apartments, so use the good water." This was funny because even with something as simple as water, people with money always want the best. And even in the situation of danger, people with money refuse to do or use anything "below" their standards.

A critic of the 'Beat'

WHile reading this review of "On the Road" wirtten by Louis Menand I felt a lost and confused, wasn't too sure of where he was going with it. Maybe reading the book would give me a better understaning for the writing? It seemed as though he would get off topic and start giving details that would send him off on tangents. However his writing did encourage me to read the book and see what it is like for myself.

Living in a Poem

While reading this poem by Jason Shinder about "living" I could not stop thinking about death. Through out this poem Shinder uses syntax that suggests death is upon his mother. Phrases such as "two words the living have for gratefulness," and "what it means to be alive long enough " are scattered throughout the poem directing the reading closer and closer to the conclusion that Shinder's mother is going to die. I found it ironic that the title of this poem is call Living, while the contents has to deal with a dying loved one. However it opened my eyes to the concept that when we are about to die all we have now is to be thankful for the life u lived and that the end is soon to come.

The Insufferable Gaucho

In this story, a judge living in Buenos Aires experiences an uncomplicated life of idleness until an economic collapse in Argentina forces him to flee to an abandoned ranch out in the country. As he endures a life of simplicity, the judge slowly falls victim to insanity. Bolaño’s story develops oddly, but surprisingly presents itself as ‘ordinary’ through its unemotional and unexcited tone. The thematic role of the rabbits is one of the most peculiar aspects of the story. The judge not only watches several of them devour another rabbit while on the train, but also witnesses a rabbit jumping up and biting another man on the neck. As another blogger describes it, Bolaño’s story “is like a painting with almost nothing on it, which by its sparseness magnifies what little is there.” The unusual quirky slant of “The Insufferable Gaucho” allows it to be read in reminiscence of fairy tales.

Noah and his Animals

Once upon a time there was a good-hearted, kind, and honest man named Noah. He lived in a world that was growing too fast and was full of too many disgruntled and disillusioned people. While it seemed that there was no goodness left in the world, Noah and his family held true to their values and kept the faith. God noted their dedication and before he decided to thrust his wrath upon the masses, he told Noah of his plans for him to build a huge boat. God told Noah that he wanted to destroy the existing people and everything that had to do with them, which, unfortunately for the animals, meant them too. So before God flooded the planet for 40 days and 40 nights, he had Noah find two of everything; to make sure one was a boy and one was a girl, because "someone needed to start it all up again." Fortunately for Noah and his family, they had just invented the Internet. Noah ordered 2 of every animal, saving him hours of hard work, and had them shipped to his home. While waiting for them to arrive he began building the boat. He had some help from his sons and family, and they were able to finish it just as the last penguin arrived from Antarctica. Noah did everything God had asked of him, even imported the dung beatles from Africa, and the wild beasts from the ends of the earth.

In Talk of the Town Hilary Clinton's health-care plan seemed to be getting bashed in the beginning when the author quoted rival democrats, John Edwards andBarack Obama, talking about her failure with a health-care plan 14 years earlier. The article is mocking her and they even make fun of her with the picture that they have in the middle of the whole page. In the end though, the article is really just criticizing America's health-care in general. Europeans spend way less on health-care yet we still have the most people living without health-care. All this article is trying to say is America's health-care sucks and Clinton or any democrat might be able to help it out.

"Living" and Dying

Jason Shinder's poem in the October 1 issue of the New Yorker is entitled "Living." In reality, Shinder is using juxtaposition between the poem's title and its subject matter in order to give his reader a stronger sense of the condition that his mother is in. The reader sees her when she is alive, but barely. Every description Shinder gives of her is filled with an overwhelming sense of fragility. While using words and phrases like "hard yellow skin" and "broken nails," the reader gets the clear sense that the woman about whom they are reading is very close to death indeed. In fact, had Shinder written the poem a few days later, he probably would have had to change the title.

Ribs and Appletinis

Once upon a time, from a galaxy far, far, away, God chose to put a man on earth named Adam. God left Adam in a beautiful garden with thousands of animals. There were squirrels, bears, and even the occasional snow leopard roaming through his beautiful garden. Now, Adam was not just any ordinary man, he was strong and muscular, and thankfully, the garderning type.

Even though Adam was talented, he was also a lonely soul. Of course, he was the ONLY human being on the face of the earth. He had always drempt of starting a life with a woman who would love him and help him take care of his animals. So, after entering his name into the Match.com database, under the "Lonely Souls Looking for Animal Housekeeping" catergory, Adam found his perfect match. Her name was Eve. Wanting to make more than a subtle first impression, Adam wanted the first date to be perfect. The plan was set. He went to pick her up that night, and they drove together to the nearest Tony Roma’s, the quintessential romantic destination. They both ordered extravagant meals of onion strings, potato skins, and a full rack of delectable, juicy ribs. After a couple of hours, Eve had finished her dinner but Adam noticed that there was a still a present glint of hunger in her eyes. Generously, Adam gave Eve one of his ribs. Taken aback by his kindess, Eve felt a need to repay him. She called the waiter over and said, 'One apple martini please!' Of course, everyone knows how this story ends.

John Updike's Book Review: one I want to read and five I don't care about

John Updike gracefully reviews Ann Patchett's breakthrough novel, Bel Canto in the first part of his book review. He captures the novel with a perfect combination of plot summery and commentary which gave the urge to go out and buy the book. His review falls apart after he finishes his commentary on Bel Canto. He switches awkwardly to a review of Truth and Beauty which includes tangential information about Patchett's relationship with Lucy Grealy. The rest of the review is fully of plot and packed with titles, but lacks the substance that was so riveting in his evaluation of Bel Canto. A reader would be better off by stopping after the first two columns of Updike's review.

Joseph and His Coat

You know the story. Joseph, your typical mama’s boy, was acting like a first-class suck-up by watching his dad’s sheep instead of playing video games and sports like most normal guys. Then he had this crazy idea that something was wrong with the sheep and ran home to daddy to warn him. Now Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other sons because he was still as fresh as a daisy; he hadn’t been corrupted by the world yet and would rather watch a movie with his mommy than read Playboy. So daddy praises his son’s prophetic instincts, gets out his shiny piece of plastic, and tells Joseph to buy himself a nice new leather jacket – the kind that smells like the seats of a new BMW. You can only imagine his brothers’ reaction. They hated the little asshole’s guts for getting all of their old man’s dough. To piss them off even more, that smart-mouthed Joseph bragged that in his dreams, he and his eleven brothers were represented by sticks of straw. During the dream, their sticks all bowed down before his. By this time, his brothers couldn’t take it anymore and pounded the shit out of him. They knocked him up pretty badly and threw him into a well. They faked his death, covering his slick jacket in blood to prove that he had been mugged and shot near Polk Street. As far as Jacob was concerned, his precious baby boy was dead.

America: The 90's

I only have one question: what is this country coming to? What happened to marital fidelity, “separate but equal,” one nation being under God, and the all-American Christian values on which this country was built?
Who they hell are the Democrats? Tell me that. Sounds like a bunch of low-income welfare junkies trying to get their kind in office. And they succeeded! I think Bill Clinton is the ghetto-est white man this country has ever seen! But what was Hilary thinking? My only conclusion is that she was drunk when she married that man. Why else would she have married that lying Casanova? I doubt it’s because she loves a good sex scandal or two. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Oh, but you did Bill, you and “little Willie,” too. Miss Monica Lewinsky, now that’s what I patriotism! We all know what you can do for your country.
And if that isn’t bad enough, the country is on its own little killing spree. What am I talking about? Hmm, do the Rodney King riots ring a bell anyone? All of Black America felt like they had been beaten right along with Rodney. And, of course, the police officers were acquitted. They were “serving and protecting.” And then there is the famous, or rather, infamous O.J. Simpson trial. Let me say one thing: O.J. did it. I heard that if he’s acquitted, he’s going to write a book called If I Did It, because we all believe in his innocence. Speaking of black people and killing, what the hell is wrong with the whole rap generation? These hoodlums are going around spreading the good news of life in the projects, “squashing beefs,” and the intellectually numbing affects of Ebonics. What a great influence if you ask me! I mean don’t you want your child ending up like those rappers, 6 Pack and Big Mac?
I blame it all on the TV. The things they show these days continue to disgust me. As if the Simpsons wasn’t bad enough, we now can find crude behavior in South Park. Well, thank God! But wait, there’s more. Do you feel like you’re missing your weekly fix of explicitly sexual innuendos and possible nudity? Are you tired of having to go to the adult section of Blockbusters just to find a little psuedo-pornagraphic material? Well you must not be watching NYPD Blue and Friends. But if you want to go all out, or should I say, “come out,” you can just watch Ellen, or the flamboyant Will and Grace. Please tell me, what is this country coming to?

"Not So Virgin" Mary

So there was this guy named Joseph. Now if you wanted to see the epitome of anatomical perfection, you should have had a gander at him. It was impossible to hate him, though. He just oozed charisma. He had it all. Captain of the varsity football, wrestling, basketball, and baseball teams, and water polo star, a particularly favorite season for the girls of the school, Joseph ran the school. But his real passion laid with automobiles. It was rare not see him, shirtless, droplets of sweat forming along his brow, leaning over his vintage 1966 275 GTS Ferrari. Tall, lean, and, tan, Joseph was whom every guy envied and every girl lusted after. Every girl, that is, except one.
Her name was Marilyn, but everyone called her Mary. She was quite the tease and knew it, but she never put out; nothing at all like the other Mary in school. She always put out. But I digress. Mary was just short of perfection. She was an only child from a small family. She was co-founder of the Young Scholars for God Association at school and the acclaimed member of the highly selective Honor Society. And as if being a mathlete and ‘established scholar’ wasn’t enough, Mary was also the Model UN Ambassador for the school and student body secretary, because being in any higher position would have taken away from her modesty. She had that wholesome, ‘all-American’ look to her. To say the least, she was the quintessential “girl-next-door”.
Joseph wanted her. I mean he really wanted her. Things were a little bumpy at first because he wasn’t used to having to chase a girl. Girls had always chased Joseph. But they eventually started dating. But, of course, Mary wouldn’t give it up. “Not until I’m a married woman,” she would say. What is this, the 50’s or something?
There was suddenly talk of marriage. It took everyone by surprise. Girls gossiped like mad, saying that the virgin was pregnant. It turns out they were right. “The emblem of premarital chastity” had fallen by the wayside. One day neither her nor Joseph showed up for school. Rumor has it they ran away together to have the baby. I guess they couldn’t handle the shame. Now if that isn’t a testament to the benefits of abstinence, I don’t know what is.

Jesus Walks on a Wave Pool

There once was a boy named Jesus who, despite being a show-off, was the most popular boy in school. The only person who doubted Jesus’ coolness was a boy named Peter, who thought he was smarter than everyone around him and therefore would constantly question everything. On a class trip to Raging Waters, their teacher assigned each student a buddy and Jesus was assigned to Peter. Peter wanted to go swim in the wave pool but Jesus wanted to stay back to woo the ladies with his chiseled abs so he told Peter to go on ahead. While Jesus was busy flexing, the wave-pool that Peter was swimming in started to malfunction. The wave pool’s timer was broken and the swimmers were being bombarded with giant wave after giant wave. Peter was struggling to stay above the water as waves crashed down on his head time after time. As Jesus was doing his “sexy jog” past the wave pool (followed by a crowed of goggling girls) he caught a glimpse of Peter coming up for air. Not hesitating to take advantage of an opportunity to show of his water-walking skills, Jesus stepped out onto the waves, relishing the oohs and ahhhs of his spectators. When Peter saw Jesus, his face contorted into an expression of disbelief as he thought, “ there is no way the surface tension of H2O can sustain the forced due to gravity exerted on Jesus’ mass. Confusing Peter’s bafflement with fear, Jesus said to him in his deepest, manliest voice, “It is I, do not be afraid, ” which was followed by a quick wink at Mary Magdalene, who was watching from the edge of the pool. Jesus, knowing full well that there was no way Peter was going to be able to walk on water, told Peter to stop swimming and walk towards him. Peter did stop swimming, but instead of walking on the water he just sunk. Jesus dived in to save him and was greeted with an eruption of cheers as he emerged from the water, Peter in his arms. The crowd was filled with awe and on the bus ride back to school Mary Magdalene said to Jesus, “Truly you are the coolest boy in school.”

Cover Art for New Yorker -- "Stairway to the Stars"

When I first saw the cover for the most recent issue of the New Yorker, this overused saying popped into mind: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it, you will land among the stars.” And naturally, this aspiring goal can only be achieved through knowledge, which is symbolized by the perpetual stairway of books. I personally think the cover art is a bit cliché, but maybe other people see it differently. Any ideas?

The Big One

Are we ready for the Big One? Sacred Heart Schools, Atherton launched its first all-school evacuation in living memory on Tuesday. In a festive spirit, more than one-thousand children and adults gathered under a clear blue late-September sky to demonstrate their readiness to face whatever life throws at them. Emergency response director Sandy Dubinsky praised the community’s walk to the football field as “a remarkable job.” What impressed me was the diversity of responses to simulated catastrophe:

When the long-anticipated fire alarm went off, Senior Seena Amid-Houzor leaped to his feet and hurried to pack his bag. Seena ignored his teacher’s instructions to leave the bag until classmate Maria Gibbs counseled him, “It’s not worth dying for.”

In the crowded hallway, students, confused by the closing of the fire doors, walked away from the exits until English teacher James Hughes, with bold strides and arms akimbo, guided them safely out of the building.

Once out in the warm morning air, students regained their sense of normalcy and talked quietly about their lives.

Nora: “Do we have espacio next?”
Madelyn: “You mean we’re going to miss espacio?”
Nora: “ I hope so.”

The Dean of Students set up a portable amplifier. “I appreciate your cooperation. Please move to the football field.”

Drama teacher John Loschman, with his fine sense of the choreography of events, said, “They’re supposed to go to the field two ways. He didn’t say that. I read my instructions.”

Students did as they were told, but none was able to simulate the seriousness that one imagines will accompany a real emergency.

For some, the practice lacked verisimilitude:
“How many times in your life will your school burn down?”
“No, dude. It’s about hostages. I’d just get the hell out.”
“That is different thing.”

Others were still focused on smaller, more immediate traumas: “I wanted to kill Whitlow during that test. He kept sniffling, and he wouldn’t get a tissue.”

At the field, a group of senior boys circled around a pair of MacBook Pros to listen to music and snap pictures of themselves in their digital PhotoBooth.
“We should start a mass printing to all the printers on campus!”
“How sick would that be?”

One boy dispensed test-taking advice: “A short answer is supposed to be three sentences, tops.”

Many talked merely for the pleasure of hearing their own voices:
"Who was I talking about when I compared him to Java the Hut?"
"How good of an idea is a spider army?"
"Are those pants linen? That is legit!"
"Are you writing poetry about what you see?"
"Up yours, man. We're listening to Halo 3!"

The Dean of Faculty discovered astroturf: “Oh, my god! It’s fake grass.”

At the other end of the field, I picked out my fourth-grade daughter sitting happily with her classmates. I wanted to run to her and say hello. In a real emergency I would have.

When the faculty and staff were dismissed, history teacher Stuart Morris staggered to his feet in a daze. “Oh, man. That was a head-rush.”

Strolling back to the buildings, two teachers chatted about education and class warfare. The drill took less time than expected, and everyone was grateful for the long break—a real space in the day. When the class bell rang an hour later, poor Seena had still not returned for his book-bag.

Poem #1

In the poem On A Passenger Ferry, the author Jean Valentine uses a series of images to create a scene on a boat. In contrast with the crowded deck of the boat, an isolated woman is described as working in a school book. Although the poem is short, Jean Valentine uses these few images to express a scene that can easily be pictured in the reader's mind. I am not sure of the message or meaning of this poem, but i found the language used to be very intruiging.

the New Yorker COMICS

The first comic I found to be particularly clever was the comic on page 96, criticizing the healthcare system in the United States. The comic shows a man in a store trying to pick out a card, and the category, instead of "Get Better", is "Good luck with the American Health-Care System." This joke is not only true, but creative, as most of the time, we are wishing luck to people with hospitals that need better care and service.
The second comic I found humorous was the one questioning the idea of levitation. (pg. 106). A man walks down the street and is confused when he looks up and sees the door elevated on the wall reading "National Levitation Society." This is clever because most ideas about levitation seem to be impossible and take many hours of meditation and concentration and without spiritual beliefs, really is impossible.
Lastly, I enjoyed the cartoon that had a picture of a man impatiently glancing at his watch, while his wife was getting herself ready for an event by getting injections in her forehead. This not only critiques the modern society where every woman feels that it is necessary to fix every natural flaw, but also shows the necessity for a perfection a woman strives for.

Resignation

J.D. McClatchy's "Resignation" is about trees and their way of life. McClatchy opens his poem with a line from a Willa Cather poem, stating that trees are resigned to the way they live life. Then McClatchy goes into his poem, talking about trees and how although they seem comfortable with their lives, it is actually a disguise. Trees conceal their unhappiness. They are "ensnared, each with the others' hold On what gives life to which is brutal enough." They hide their dejection and try to accept their lifestyles. They live without ever getting what they deserve. Trees generate shelter, air, wood for fires, and homes for animals. They provide us with many essentials, so they deserve the best. My personal favorite part of the poem is the line "to anyone's sudden infatuation gouged into their sides." People, or couples, engrave their initials in a heart on the side of a tree as a display of affection, or a cute action. McClatchy opens up the perspective of the tree in the situation. Very few people would think of the trees feelings while getting engravings in it.

New Yorker Cover Art

As soon as I saw the cover of this week's New Yorker, an old nursery rhyme came to mind:

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread,
Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

Actually I had no idea how this particular rhyme went but now I find the ending somewhat strange....Anyway I found the fusion of modern fashion and classical poetic devices to be comical. The image of a giant pink shoe appropriately fits the title of this cover ~ "There Goes the Neighborhood"
(._____.")

Save the Trees??? - A response to J.D. McClatchy's "Resignation" by Nora Kiernan Coyne

In his poem "Resignation", poet J.D. McClatchy expresses his observations of trees. Inspired by a quote by Willa Cather from her 1913 novel, O Pioneers!, McClatchy examines how the birch and oak trees have adjusted and endured to their lives of "sweet familiarity" and "tangled grievances". Unlike Cather, who admires the tree’s submission to all the things life throws at them (termites and such), McClatchy exposes their acceptance of their lives of monotony in which they “are forced to shelter and hide”. I cannot say that I have really thought too much about the lives of trees, but J.D. McClatchy has uncovered to me their lives of terror. If I could give the trees any advice, it would be for them to come out from under the shadows of their acquiescence and reclaim their rightful place in this world, because without them, we would be dead. Perhaps through this poem, McClatchy is making a statement. Conserve paper, because the trees cannot stand up for themselves.

A Reporter at Lage- Patricia Marx- Hot Flashes

In an advice narrative, reporter Patricia Marx attempts to put a new spin on shopping advice. She explains, "New York is the city of coats: real coats, not car coats, for in this town we walk, even if only to catch the bus." Marx's article flows roughly out of this analysis: that New York winters are cold and one must know where and how to traverse the slippery slope of outerwear shopping. The structure of the article is an awkward series of transitions between Marx's winter shopping story and parenthetical phrases explaining different designers and their correlating clothing prices. This article is a monotonous attempt at creatively rendering clothing alternatives, and would be more complete with pictures followed by captions explaining the clothing instead of the brief and hardly descriptive prose used by Marx.

"in the valley of elah"

After reading "Soldiers", the critique of the new movie "In the Valley of Elah", I wanted to see this movie ASAP. The writer/director of Crash seems to have created another award winning movie. I loved crash for its amazing cast, provocative message, and gripping action. Instead of examining car accidents and distorted relationships between races, "in the valley of elah" is a look into the Iraq war through the eyes of a former vietnam vet/ father of a soldier who was brutally murdered back in the states. While trying to solve the mystery of his son's death, he sees small glimpses of war life and realizes how monstrous it has become. Tommy Lee Jones and Charlize Theron are the two main characters; so this movie could be anything but thought provoking and rivoting. CLASS FIELD TRIP (to the movies)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The Financial Page"...yeah, really.

I have never been one to be drawn to the financial articles in major magazines. Very little about the financial world interests me, much to the dismay of my hedge-fund-manager-financial-district-dwelling father. However, having spent a significant amount of time pounding the pavement on the streets of many major cities (New York, Seattle, SF, Boston, Barcelona, Rome, etc) and having seen countless street vendors peddling their knockoff handbags from dirty bedsheets on the sidewalk, this week's "financial" article in the New Yorker interested me. "The Piracy Paradox" talks about the prevalance of knockoff goods in todays market. While touching on everything from Fior sunglasses to the popular store H&M, the article discusses the surprisingly symbiotic relationship between high end designers and their cheap counterparts. The article makes for an interesting read for any teenage girl who thinks, as I did, that she wants nothing to do with the financial world.

"Familiarity" Within the NYer Poems

After having read all three poems, there seems to be a common theme of familiarity. In “On a Passenger Ferry”, the narrator relays a depiction of his or her experience on a ferry. There is a known sense of familiarity and recognition after the narrator speaks of having “seen [this mystery woman] before”.
In “Resignation” the narrator speaks of the personified feelings of birch trees. The author’s prose seems to gently float across the page, and words like “ensnared” and “tangled” nicely contrast against the soft tone. Again, the readers come to terms with the narrator’s level of familiar knowledge.
Lastly, in “Not for Chopin” the narrator is satirically referring to Chopin’s musical ‘ineptitude’. The narrator has fully analyzed many of Chopin’s pieces and again depicts a level of profound perception.

All three poems depict narrators who approach the subjects of the poems with a déjà vu-like reminiscence. By doing so, the level of understanding within the poem becomes universal and ultimately understood by the reader.

A little thought on the Maserati years

The Maserati years written by Maxim Biller is a story of a self- centered, bad actor. His character wants to do nothing else but lie in bed all day and ignore reality. He ignores his phone calls, text messages, and the fact that he has work and insists on staying in bed blowing little breathe clouds. The character displays his passion for himself when all he can think about when his "girlfriend" tells him she is pregnant is that he has to sell his car. This egocentric theme continues on when he figure that if he just doesn't answer his messages or text messages that they never really happened, telling himself that they can't do anything on set without him.

The Maserati Years/To An Athlete Dying Young

"The Maserati Years" stirred up my lovely memories from Freshman year English in which we read A.E. Housman's poem, "To An Athlete Dying Young." They both trace a sort of story in which the protagonist is leading a sort of glorified life that gets cut short. The way they differ is that the poem's protagonist's glory is cut short by death, while it can be argued that the short story's protagonist's glory is cut short by life (in the birth of his illegitament child). It's too bad the guy had to get rid of his Maz.
tim


here is the poem in case you dont have it:

"To An Athlete Dying Young"
The time you won your town the race
We chaired you through the market-place;
Man and boy stood cheering by,
And home we brought you shoulder-high.

To-day, the road all runners come,
Shoulder-high we bring you home,
And set you at your threshold down,
Townsman of a stiller town.

Smart lad, to slip betimes away
From fields where glory does not stay,
And early though the laurel grows
It withers quicker than the rose.

Eyes the shady night has shut
Cannot see the record cut,
And silence sounds no worse than cheers
After earth has stopped the ears:

Now you will not swell the rout
Of lads that wore their honours out,
Runners whom renown outran
And the name died before the man.

So set, before its echoes fade,
The fleet foot on the sill of shade,
And hold to the low lintel up
The still-defended challenge-cup.

And round that early-laurelled head
Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead,
And find unwithered on its curls
The garland briefer than a girl's.
-A.E. Housman

Pairs on Madison review

While reading this commentary by Adam Gopnik I realized that it did not say anything interesting. It starts out talking about a nightclub, The Café Carlyle, that was renovated to make it more modern and to make the nightclub more convenient for the guests at the hotel on Madison. Before it was renovated it was inconvenient for the performers and the guest because of the lighting, etc., and now it will be a better venue for everyone. This hotel has been around since the 1950's and the history is endless. The historic look is now gone and the rest of the article goes on to talk about the different musician and artists that got the start to their careers there. Its main focus after the author mentioned that they renovated this particular nigh club was the art, and murals that were on the walls before the renovation.

Books "Briefly Noted"

Do you have the urge to read a melancholy World War One novel; set in Cambridge, or a novel centered on Roman Jews; that has no plot what so ever, or maybe a book about our U.S. President, “a character who never develops”, or even a non-fiction novel about a cult based on secular metaphysics set in Big Sur? If all of those topics catch your eye, then you should check out these debut titles: The Indian Clerk by David Leavitt, The Worst Intentions by Alessandro Piperno, Dead Certain by Robert Draper, and last but surely not least Esalen by Jeffery J. Kripal. Happy reading!

An Ode to Chopin

Collins creatively praises the extensive works of Frederic Chopin in her poem "Not For Chopin." By utilizing the subtle technique of understatement, Arda Collins acknowledges Chopin’s brilliant compositions. The subject is scrutinizing and obsessing over music that came so easily to Chopin. She describes how his brilliance is unable to be matched or even surpassed, as the subject seems to attempt. It was very nicely written in its comfortable prose. Its very similar to her other poems, like “Garden Apartments,” equal in light-hearted and comfortable prose.

Solar Chic "Dressing off the Grid"

Henry Alford sells his view of the "rechargable jacket" through his expierence in testing the garment. A new product, launched from the "Italian firm Ermenegildo Zegna," with its silver appearance and two-inch by three-inch solar pannels, can power cell phones and iPods on the go. The pannels in the colar collect up to four hours of battery power as long as they are left in direct sunlight to catch some rays. Alford says that not only will you, as the wearer, gain technological advances over others, but also popularity among friends and become the butt of jokes from local business owners.

"Now you can let your clothes charge your small household appliances."

The Maserati Years Are Already Over

The end of "the Maserati years" does not actually mark a significant change in the protagonist's life. Although the idea of selling his beloved Maserati is deeply symbolic to him as a sort of downfall from his golden age, the truth is his life was crappy before and it will be crappy after. His acting career has already gone down the drain, and the only parts he gets are small ones given to him "out of charity." Even the car itself is a piece of junk. The invention of the end of the Maserati years is the desperate attempt of a miserable man to blame his pathetic life on someone else.

Biographical Info on Maxim Biller, Author of “The Maserati Years”

Maxim Biller has been called the “punk intellectual” and is a prominent author of the “Single Generation.” He was born in Prague in 1960 and immigrated to Germany with his parents when he was ten. After studies in German literature and journalism, he had tenure at the culture magazine “Tempo,” where he made a name for himself with the column “100 Lines of Hate”. In 1990, he published his first collection of short stories, “Someday when I’m rich and dead”. Hailed for his sarcasm, wit, and sharp intellect, Biller mostly tells stories of the children of Holocaust survivors trapped between integration in a society of ‘perpetrators’ and their roles as outsiders to that society. His passionate and intensely compelling fiction deals with the contemporary German-Jewish identity, which also been subject to controversy for his provocative writing. By breaking taboos, critics have claimed he has “tapped a nerve in Germany that has people both condemning and celebrating his work.” Other notable works have explored the idea of people wanting more from each other than they are ready to give, which can be seen in “The Maserati Years”. In 2003, his novel Esra excited attention when its sale was prohibited shortly after its release. Two people had a provisional order obtained because they claimed to have seen themselves reflected in characters in the book. Biller currently lives in Berlin.

WADUP FELLOW STUDENTS. THIS IS JOE YOUNG.

The Mammary Plays, a catholic schools worst nightmare or an invigorating tale about life lessons. The Mammary plays as heard from a teacher walking down the halls could be heard as soft core pornography with “OHH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD” and “virginity is a state of mind.” With little phrases like these it may seem like the mammary plays should never be allowed in a catholic school. But when reading either “How I learned to Drive” or “The Mineola Twins” the first skeptical listener truly feels the emotions and revelations. As Dr. Simpson-Vlach said when Kate and I were in a discussion “it is a very, very moving and powerful play.”

Avoid Extremes

In both How I Learned to Drive and The Mineola Twins, Paula Vogel warns us against adhering to extremes in our lives. Yet, at the same time Vogel doesn’t represent any characters that don’t live their lives in this way. As a result, there is no definite protagonist or antagonist. One could argue that in How I Learned to Drive Peck is the antagonist, but as the play ends, we are left pitying Peck instead of rejoicing over his downfall. This is Vogel’s plan: to have us doubt our moral system. What is really evil and what is good?

"Learning to Drive" as a Life Lesson

Paula Vogel's play, How I learned to Drive, is about a young girl who faces life with a full plate of obstacles such as pedophilia, family pressures, and a little bit of incest thrown in on the side. Lil Bit’s family continuously pressures her on being a woman that she does not see herself as. Uncle Peck, her uncle and “driving instructor”, is a kind man, obedient to his wife, and enjoys the pleasures a young girl can offer. As the reader, we see Uncle Peck as a kind and Atticus Finch type character – even though he leads a differed life on the side. Vogel places both characters side by side, because they fill a void for each other. Lil Bit and Uncle Peck do not fit well within their society and need each other to escape from their insane family members. Although Lil Bit and Uncle Peck help each other through their societal issues, disturbingly they go about “helping” one another in an alarming manner.

So far, Paula Vogel has placed two identical twins in juxtaposition. Physically, these two are very different. Mentally, their personalities show one twin focused on her future as a housewife, without thinking selfishly. She pictures a perfect lifestyle for her husband and only wants to provide for him. The other twin, who promiscuously engages in activities that are us.nfair to her sister, is only focused on the present, which shows a contrast in their character

Myra, the good twin?

Myra, in The Mineola Twins, although depicted as promiscuous, actually seems like a caring person. In the first scene, she has a nightmare about an atomic bomb, and her instinct is to go and find her sister. After Myra and Jim sleep together, and Jim begins talking about wanting more to life and rethinking marriage, Myra genuinely seems concerned that Jim wants to and will marry her sister. Although Myra has a skewed sense of right and wrong, she ultimately wants the best for her sister.

Pop Music as a Major Player in Vogel's Work

A major character in both of her plays is also the music that she chooses to have played throughout. While Li'l Bit is being molested by her uncle, a pop song from the era hums from the car radio. While Myrna catches her fiance in bed with her twin sister, it is easy to imagine a popular Nancy Sinatra song playing in the cheap hotel.

Vogel does this very consciously, and the reasons are twofold. First and foremost, the subject matter that she is dealing with is extremely relevant in popular culture. She is not writing about some war overseas or some superprivate CIA intelligence operation. The subjects she is writing about are things that everyday people, the kinds who would have listened to Doris Day or Buddy Holly, would deal with. Furthermore, the popular music that Vogel employs does an effective job of transporting the audience into the time period in which the plays are set. As a member of the audience, it is easy to imagine yourself as a teenager during the Eisenhower administration when the pop hits of the era are permeating your consciousness.

the sons they never had

i just wanted to comment on the irony of the two mother-son pairs in the second play. The story doesn't delve too far into either father of Kenny or Ben, however it does make a point to show how alike Kenny and Ben are to Myra and Myrna respectively.

Riff on Scenes 1 and 2 in Mineola Twins

I was thinking about the first two scenes of "Mineola Twins," how they mirror each other. In terms of the sisters: good girl, bad girl; sexual repression, sexual abandon; radical conformity, radical nonconformity. But why does Vogel contrast cars--Square Jim's Ford vs. Jimmy Dean's crumpled Spyder? Why does Jim dream of hard work and accumulated wealth with his repressed beloved, but dream of poetry with his sexually exuberant beloved? My sense of the meeting of Freud and Marx is largely derived from the footnotes of one of my favorite novels, Manuel Puig's Kiss of the Spider Woman. In his (sometimes fictional) intellectual history of Freudian-Marxian thought, Puig claims that sexual repression is necessary for capitalist accumulation: delayed gratification leads not only to marriage but business prosperity. On the contrary, lovers of instant gratification, live, according to Puig's account, in primitive conditions. I do not know if there is any reality to this. But Vogel seems to be exploring the intersection of sex and political-economy.

Most people I know assume that sexual repression is a bad deal--boring, etc. (And it appears that way in Vogel's play.) But Vogel seems aware, too, that sexual freedom has its costs... or, if it is not sexual freedom that is expensive, it is, more generally, the lack of discipline (which hipsters see as repression). I guess that is what I love about Vogel: she is both critical and forgiving of everyone--the repressed Myra's of the world and the unrestrained Myrna's of the world (though I still think Myrna's hipster discourse in scene 2 is some of the greatest dialogue I have read in a long time.)

Jim, by the way, strikes me as one of the most pathetic characters I have ever encountered on the page. Peck is a good old boy, compared to Jimmy-Jimbo. Though he needs the praise and admiration from Myra, he wants to control her; and though he is weak and guided by Mryna (have I mixed up the names?), he feels at ease condemning her. It is a horrific portrait of American masculinity.

In How I Learned to Drive, Paula Vogel describes the maturing process of Lil' Bit as she slowly begins to distance herself from her obsessive step-uncle. Although Uncle Peck means the best for Lil Bit, he takes advantage of her in her youth, making Lil' Bit become dependent and attached to him. As Lil' Bit matures, she recognizes the wrong in his obsession of her, and decides its time to move on with her life.

There’s Family and Then There is Family

Although sounding the same and being spelled the same way, there are two different types in Paula Vogel’s play “How I Learned to Drive.” The phrase “family is family” gets tossed around a lot by Uncle Peck, who is only related to Li’l Bit through marriage to her Aunt Mary. Family only by association, Uncle Peck continues to have an odd sexual relationship with his niece and represents the people who call themselves family. He is one of those people who take advantage of others around him (not always in a positive way). While Li’l Bit’s blood relatives continue to harass and embarrass her, they have her best interest at heart and treat her properly. “Family is family,” means that they will always be there for you whenever you need them, and they will not mistreat you (embarrassing you is their job, and what they do best).

Uncle Peck as a symbol of escape.....

The relationship between Uncle Peck and Lil’ Bit in Paula Vogel’s “How I Learned to Drive,” stems from the fact that they both feel like outsiders within their own family. This common aspect strengthens the bond between the two characters while isolating them from the reality that is their shared “cracker background.” The irony lies in the fact that while these two characters are moving away from this lifestyle of discussions of sex and genitalia at the dinner table, they are moving towards are relationship rooted in familial molestation. From one sexually defining circumstance they shift to another, much more perverted situation. This relationship between the two characters exists up until Lil’ Bit realizes her adulthood in college at the age of 18. She is now liberated from her uncomfortable family situation and as a result cuts off her relationship with her uncle. Is Uncle Peck only a tool or means of escape in the eyes of Lil’ Bit? She seems to discard him once she is done raising herself into an independent individual.

^_^

"Family is Family"

Family plays an important role in Vogel's "How I Learned to Drive." Family dynamics are what make and break the relationships in the play. Lil' Bit cannot connect with any of her family members. Her grandparents and mother don't attempt to understand. Instead of nurturing, Lil' Bit's family attacks her, which is why she finds comfort in Uncle Peck. Like Lil' Bit, Uncle Peck is misunderstood by not only his peers, but also his wife. The irony, however, comes from what seems to be Uncle Peck's mantra, "family is family." It's interesting and equally disturbing that Vogel would have the man that's molesting his niece believe that no matter what, "family is family." It's because of her shattered relationships with her mother and grandparents and her twisted relationship with Uncle Peck, that Lil' Bit can't seems to depend of anyone but herself.

A Coming of Age Subject?

Within her drama, How I Learned to Drive, Vogel toys with this commonly male-associated ‘coming-of-age’ subject. After having read All the Pretty Horses, I realized that Vogel distinguishes herself from other 'coming-of-age' writers by placing a female in the antagonist role. Lil' Bit, the main character of the book, evolves and transforms as the story of her love affair with her uncle progresses. At the end of the play, there is an obvious, new level of understanding for both herself and for her uncle. As Lil' Bit drives away at the end of the play, she contently witnesses her driving-instructor uncle visible in the rear view mirrior. The reader comes to understand that Lil' Bit has grown to appreciate and comprehend her new sense of identity which her uncle helped her attain.

Naughty or Nice?

Paula Vogel plays an interesting game with the two man characters in The Mineola Twins. While Vogel introduces twins Myrna and Myra as two distinctly opposite characters, with Myrna as the “good twin” who is tormented by Myra, the “evil twin,” she quickly demolishes the boundary between victim and aggressor. The Myrna of the first scene, an innocent twin who complains about her sister’s dirty socks being thrown onto her side of the room and is troubled by the idea of her sister working in a tavern of “ill repute” transforms into a psycho who screams “I’LL KILL YOU” repeatedly at both her sister and her boyfriend while Myra, the horrible dirty sock offender, is forced to flee from her enraged sister through a bathroom window.

Lil' Bits vs. My family

As i was reading How I learned to Drive, I thought of my family and my relationships with each person. I enjoyed reading about Lil' Bits interesting childhood, her horrors, desires and problems however could not relate them to my life in any way. Lil' Bits ridiculous journey lead me to think about my own life and how my family has treated me. Since I was little I took my family for granted, and did not care whether or not if they were there. Yet after reading about Lil' Bits crazy relatives I am happy that i do not have to deal with grandfathers who talk about my breast, a grandmother who slaves away in the kitchen, and aunts and uncles that have nicknames inspired my their genitals. It is hard for me to fathom a life without my family who had always been their for me. A family that laughs and tries to have fun at every social event. As time goes on i understand that family is also who you keep in your life. And looking back on Lil' Bit and how she does not try to keep relationships with family members or even school mates. These many differences keep me wanting more since i have never experiences a family quite like Lil' Bits'.

Family in "How I Learned to Drive"

Family plays a critical role in Vogel’s How I Learned to Drive. I think that the way Lil’Bit’s family – grandpa, grandma, mom, and aunt – acts explains the reason for her relationship with Uncle Peck. It is a family bound by obsolete philosophies, by drinking, by sexual mistakes, and by anger and resentment. Specifically, her family defines itself, both directly and indirectly, with sex. At the dinner table, they discuss the roles of women in the household and in bed. They speak about past promiscuity and bad sexual experiences. Even the nicknames of the family members root themselves in sexual reference. Lil’ Bit and Uncle Peck, however, don’t seem to blend in with the views of the rest of the family and because of this, we get a strong impression as to how and why these two got together in the first place.

the value of humor in advancing characteriztion and plot in "the Mineola Twins"

Throughout the play "the Mineola Twins," Vogel uses interesting techniques to further advance the personalities of her characters, especially the "whore of babalyon," Myra. She uses humor to improve the likeability of a character who displays traits the general public would probably frown upon, or find obscene. After the first two scenes, we see themes advanced using comic irony, as well as a character we begin to dislike in the first scenes brought to light and found more to our liking. :)

Sexuality in Vogel's How I Learned to Drive

A concept we discussed in class that I found interesting was the comparison between Vogel’s sexuality and that of the characters in her stories. She is a lesbian and we nothing about her past sexual experiences (childhood, teenage life). However there are definite examples of sexual abuse, obviously in the relationship of Uncle Peck and L’il Bit as well as Uncle Peck’s youth. Does anyone have any ideas/theories on Vogel’s fascination with sexual/child abuse?

tim

How The "Macarena" Changed My Life

We’ve all heard it. We all know the moves. But do we know what it really means?
“Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu curepo es pa’ darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Hey, Macarena!”
Translated, these powerful lyrics mean:
“Give your body pleasure, Macarena.
Because your body is for giving pleasure and good things
Give your body pleasure, Macarena
Hey, Macarena!”
The message of this influential ballad rings true in all aspects of my life. Before I heard this wondrous ditty, I led a lethargic lifestyle filled with the constant consumption of delicious desserts, porterhouse steaks, fried chicken, and piña coladas. After feasting, I would retire to the comfort of my couch where I would stay for days on end. Little did I know, I was giving my body displeasure! Once I heard the song, the message inspired me to get off the couch and change my ways by giving my body the pleasure and good things it deserves! Now I am an active teenager, participating in activities such as miming while pursuing my dream of attending Clown College. I hold seminars at local middle schools telling the students my story with the hope of inspiring them to get off the couch and dance to the moral of the “Macarena”. All of my future successes in life, I owe to Los Del Rio for their inspirational and brilliant message which has motivated me to reach for the stars. If only everyone appreciated the significance of the “Macarena”. Hey, Macarena.

My Snowboarding Fiasco: A college essay on being safe.

Last winter, my family and I took a trip to South Tahoe for a relaxing vacation in a winter wonderland. Unfortunately we did not know that around the holiday season South Tahoe became infested with mass groups of people. Huge men with little snow caps were waddling everywhere hoping to find an empty bar to keep warm. You could hear little children scream every five seconds because their ears were sensitive to the cold air. Mothers walked around with their designer snow boots and five thousand dollar fur coats. These people were clearly…not skiers, even though they looked the part. Fortunately, we did not let the harsh crowds steer us away from our vacation.

We checked into our rental around 10:30 am, and in about three seconds every room was commandeered by a member of my family. My cousin and I had a huge room that had a view of nothing but white – every inch of the outside world was covered with snow. As soon as we at gotten settled into our rooms, we were all out the door and on the slopes. I had never skied in my life or snowboarded for that matter, but I had an idea about how it all worked. So my cousin and I decided to take a snowboarding class together at the Heavenly Ski Resort. All of the instructors there were Australian and had heavy, hoarse accents which made it even easier to understand them. Once our class had ended, I felt that I was ready for the slopes. Granted I was not the best out there, but I was feeling pretty confident that morning. I got to the top of the mountain and just let go – I was flying past people, left and right; swooshing past them. It was such a exhilarating experience that I went back to the top of the mountain.

Although I stood on my snowboard as I flew down the hill, I got the idea where maybe sitting on the board like a sled might be fun. So without haste, I sat on the board and my cousin pushed me down hill. At first I was having a blast; again flying past people – but I soon lost control of the board and began spinning spastically in circles. Every time I tried to stop, I would just gain more speed. I was so worried I would hit something or someone, and lucky me I did. Upon reaching a crowd of people, I slide backwards into someone who was looking elsewhere. It looked as though I had just got a strike in bowling - the other person literally flew into the air and landed back first onto the frozen snow. I on the other hand continued to slide right on through their little pow-wow. At this point, my cousins had spotted me and were running after me to help me stop my run-away board. I finally stopped with the help of an old oak tree that thankfully was in the center of the path.

I learned a lot from this experience. For one thing, I should never assume that I am ready to take on mountains after having a lesson from someone who barely spoke English. And another thing; if I ever loose control of my snowboard, I should just roll or jump right off and let it slide underneath someone without me on top of it. With my new sense of safety, I will be a great asset to your university.

My Drawer of Shoes: A College Essay

My life and interests can be discovered by merely looking in the drawer under my bed, where the shoes are. In that drawer are about 15 pairs of shoes of various types, colors, and styles. They can all be carefully put into three different categories: athletic shoes, formal shoes, and the comfort shoes. They not only symbolize my character, but also my priorities in life.

First, the athletic shoes: tennis, running and ballet slippers. I currently have two pairs of tennis shoes. On the court I wear Adidas and only Adidas, because they are the only company I trust with my feet. I have gone through a total of five pairs so far, showing my dedication and perseverance through the thick times (the soles), and the thing ones (the worn out toes). My life revolves around when I have practice and I schedule time to do other things around matches and tournaments. I am tenacious and dedicated to my sport and all the things that come with it. My running shoes are bright pink and white, contrasting my intense and spunky personality with the calm and studious aspects of my life. In between tennis matches, dance rehearsals, and running miles at a time, I find time to sleep, read, and strive to finish all the homework assigned.

Next, the formal shoes for dinner parties, prom, and other proper events. There are the red patent leather heels with the little black bows and, my favorite, the black stilettos with rhinestones all over them. They display my versatility and capability to achieve any problem thrown at me. I accomplished the ability of walking in three-inch heels, and the pain is almost nonexistent. Unfortunately sometimes beauty is pain.

Last but certainly not least are the comfortable shoes: the fuzzy slippers and the sandals. I love to be comfortable in whatever I am doing and in whatever I am wearing. So, in times of trouble, I can always return to the comfort of my slippers and the familiarity of the leather sandals that I have worn for years.

The many sides of my personality, and the variation of person that are contained in my single person is example enough as to why I should be accepted to Yale University. Accepting me would add a diversity not many schools are lucky enough to have and if you accept me, I promise to continue to support others with diverse beings such as mine.

How Getting My Hair Highlighted Changed My Life Forever: A College Essay

I have always had the most drab, dull hair color. For much of my adolescent life, I felt like something significant was missing from my life. In every activity I pursued, be it running for student body president, mock trial captain, or yearbook editor, I seemed to fall flat. My life, just like my hair, was dull and lifeless. Then one day, I went to the salon to get a routine trim when it hit me – my life would be so much better if I had luminous caramel, butterscotch, and maple syrup-colored streaks in my hair. Against my mother’s wishes, I dived headfirst into the proverbial pot of peroxide.

I was so nervous when the stylist was applying the foreign-smelling substance to my head, but I knew that it was the right thing to do. No matter how nervous I was about this change, I knew I could not turn back now.

After sitting for hours under the harsh, grueling lights of the salon’s heaters, my new hair, and by association, my new life. Once my new cut and color was unveiled to the student body at my school, all my dreams came true. Not only did the president-elect suddenly and mysteriously “transfer” to another school, leaving me to take her place, but the mock trial team rebelled and decided that I would be the best person to lead them to the state championships. And as though things couldn’t get any better, the moderator of the literary magazine approached me and asked me to be editor, which is a far more prestigious position than that of yearbook editor.

So, thanks to my brave decision to highlight my hair, I ended the year by becoming the most overachieving student that my school has ever produced…not to mention the one with the best hair.

My Life is Like a Sandwich: A Satirical College Essay

Plain and simple, my life is like a sandwich.
The bread, which encompasses my life, symbolically represents my friends and family. They are the wheat and grain which empower me and help me sustain energy throughout the day. The love of my family is warm and inclusive and always supporting me at high and low moments throughout my life. Like bread, my family and friends are supportive, but also soft and accepting. My sandwich of life never needs a toothpick, because the bread always seems to maintain my needed structure.

The lettuce represents my love of photography. Like lettuce, photography helps me cleanse my palate, and is the crisp refreshment from the day to day stress I endure at school. Photography is my cathartic release. Similar to my love of both cabbage and romaine, my passion for photography includes both black & white and digital color.

The mustard on my sandwich represents my love for the different spices of my life. I enjoy spontaneity, and I believe that like the sharpness of the mustard, my life dwells on the exciting moments. Whether Dijon or French’s, I choose the direction I want my life to take.

Lastly, the turkey represents the meat of my life. I believe that the focus of my life is my passions. I love English but I also aspire to explore a career in medicine, and I believe that these passions drive me. They are what ground me, and fill me up. Like turkey in a sandwich, my passions are at the center of my desire.

Yes, my life is like a sandwich, and I believe that the complete understanding of my palatable scrumptiousness will help me find my next paths in life. Yes, I believe that by attending your university, I will fully and completely come to understand my inner hoagie.

Why I Should be Accepted to Harvard: A College Essay Satire

Last summer I went to Africa to help care for orphaned children with AIDS. The orphanage was run by Sister Clare, an 85 year old nun who had devoted her life to taking care of Africa’s unwanted children. I had to sleep on the hard wooden floor in Sister Clare’s room and only ate one meal a day because that is all the orphanage could afford. I knew these hardship were worth it when I witnessed they eyes of the children gleaming with joy because I was there. One day, the happiness in their eyes was replaced with desperation because the refrigerator that stored all of the medicine they depended on to survive broke and it was only a matter of hours before the medicine went bad. Sister Clare came to me and told me that someone had to go to the nearest town, which was 15 miles away, and find the mechanic who could fix the fridge, but she was too old to make it that far. Being the brave and compassionate person that I am, I immediately volunteered for the job and headed out. After running several miles, as I was passing a junkyard, I realized that I was never going to get to the town and back in time; I needed to figure out a way to get there faster. Suddenly I had an idea. I ran into the junkyard and after several minutes of searching I found what I was looking for: an old bicycle. I jumped on and raced down the road as the rusty wheels squeaked beneath me. With the help of the bicycle, I reached the mechanic in time for him to save the medicine . That day taught me an important lesson: if I take advantage of the resources around me I can achieve anything. Harvard is my rusty bicycle, and if I am given the chance to ride on the seat of a Harvard education, I will accomplish great things.