Joseph and His Coat

You know the story. Joseph, your typical mama’s boy, was acting like a first-class suck-up by watching his dad’s sheep instead of playing video games and sports like most normal guys. Then he had this crazy idea that something was wrong with the sheep and ran home to daddy to warn him. Now Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other sons because he was still as fresh as a daisy; he hadn’t been corrupted by the world yet and would rather watch a movie with his mommy than read Playboy. So daddy praises his son’s prophetic instincts, gets out his shiny piece of plastic, and tells Joseph to buy himself a nice new leather jacket – the kind that smells like the seats of a new BMW. You can only imagine his brothers’ reaction. They hated the little asshole’s guts for getting all of their old man’s dough. To piss them off even more, that smart-mouthed Joseph bragged that in his dreams, he and his eleven brothers were represented by sticks of straw. During the dream, their sticks all bowed down before his. By this time, his brothers couldn’t take it anymore and pounded the shit out of him. They knocked him up pretty badly and threw him into a well. They faked his death, covering his slick jacket in blood to prove that he had been mugged and shot near Polk Street. As far as Jacob was concerned, his precious baby boy was dead.