"Not So Virgin" Mary

So there was this guy named Joseph. Now if you wanted to see the epitome of anatomical perfection, you should have had a gander at him. It was impossible to hate him, though. He just oozed charisma. He had it all. Captain of the varsity football, wrestling, basketball, and baseball teams, and water polo star, a particularly favorite season for the girls of the school, Joseph ran the school. But his real passion laid with automobiles. It was rare not see him, shirtless, droplets of sweat forming along his brow, leaning over his vintage 1966 275 GTS Ferrari. Tall, lean, and, tan, Joseph was whom every guy envied and every girl lusted after. Every girl, that is, except one.
Her name was Marilyn, but everyone called her Mary. She was quite the tease and knew it, but she never put out; nothing at all like the other Mary in school. She always put out. But I digress. Mary was just short of perfection. She was an only child from a small family. She was co-founder of the Young Scholars for God Association at school and the acclaimed member of the highly selective Honor Society. And as if being a mathlete and ‘established scholar’ wasn’t enough, Mary was also the Model UN Ambassador for the school and student body secretary, because being in any higher position would have taken away from her modesty. She had that wholesome, ‘all-American’ look to her. To say the least, she was the quintessential “girl-next-door”.
Joseph wanted her. I mean he really wanted her. Things were a little bumpy at first because he wasn’t used to having to chase a girl. Girls had always chased Joseph. But they eventually started dating. But, of course, Mary wouldn’t give it up. “Not until I’m a married woman,” she would say. What is this, the 50’s or something?
There was suddenly talk of marriage. It took everyone by surprise. Girls gossiped like mad, saying that the virgin was pregnant. It turns out they were right. “The emblem of premarital chastity” had fallen by the wayside. One day neither her nor Joseph showed up for school. Rumor has it they ran away together to have the baby. I guess they couldn’t handle the shame. Now if that isn’t a testament to the benefits of abstinence, I don’t know what is.